I don’t know if anyone has mentioned this yet today, but you look great!

Seriously!  That thing you did with your hair?  Nice job – it looks professional.  And those clothes?  Fetching.

Too bad about your nose though.  I realize that you can’t do anything about it, but despite it all you still look good.

Well, come to think of it, you could have picked a better shirt to wear.  That top you’re wearing looks a touch on the old and worn side.  Same with whatever you’re wearing for pants right now too, I guess.

Now that I look at it again, you hair could use some work after all.  When was the last time you had a hair cut?  A couple months ago right?  Yeah, it could use a trim.  It doesn’t look its normal full and healthy self at all today.

You know, I take back what I said about you looking exceptionally good today.  You’re just the same as you were yesterday really.  In fact, you’re about average looking for you, nothing to get excited about.  Except maybe a little tired, didn’t you get a good sleep last night?  Your eyes are kind of red.  Maybe you had a few wobbly-pops last night or something?

You should really cut out the drinking, it’s making you look older than you really are.  In fact, you look a LOT older and tireder that other people your age.  What’s the matter, is the economy really affecting you THAT much?  Jesus, it’ll all be okay soon.  Keep your head up!

Speaking of keeping your head up, that’s some terrible posture you have there.  Maybe you need a new mattress?  Some insoles might help too, you never know.  I met a guy who tried them out and they changed his life!  It might even cure that horrible limp you’ve got going on.

Was that limp from a war injury or bad accident or something?  Judging from all the horrible scars you’re sporting, it must have been a bad one.  You should have sued them for the plastic surgery you needed afterwards.  Oh, that’s the way you looked before?  Shit, I’ve been taking the idea of you being in a horrible disfiguring incident into account when I look at you.  Then you look really, really terrible.  What the hell?  Jesus.  Do something with yourself.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that wow, you look like shit today.  Really really shitty.  Wow.

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Kidding, you’re effing awesome because you visited this blog!  Now click on the Humor Blogs link below and vote for me or I’ll take back my retraction.  You’ve seen how hard I can be.

Smoochies!

(Note:  Katrocket and Falwless are exceptions – they can get away with not voting because they pay me money.  If you’d like to get out of the voting biz, you can send me money too, just like they did.  Simple!)