Last night I went to the laundry room to do three loads of clothes and stuff. There are four washing machines and four dryers in our complex.
Some FOOL went and picked the second last laundry machine from the end. Just willy-nilly! Who the hell does that?
People. You take the farthest machine from the entrance, lest people have to work around your careless machine selection. Jeeze, that’s just retarded picking one of the middle ones.
Not clear? Let me illustrate.
The next thing I’d like to complain about is bathroom stalls. For some reason, most bathrooms in the universe have three stalls. This means in a civil and orderly world, most people will take one of the outside stalls and have their little moment of release. If someone comes into the bathroom, they take the other outside stall. Right?
Normally anyone in their right mind would want to stay as far away from another shitting human being as they can.
Yes, but of course this is “THE OTHER SIDE OF NORMAL” where we discuss all sorts of abnormal things, so let me point out the inhuman monster that takes the middle stall by default. Any latecoming poopers have to sit directly next to this fiend, they have no choice. Whether it be out of thoughtlessness or perversion, this person is clearly unfit for breathing.
Same with urinals. I don’t want to stand three inches away from another person while I wring out the last edifices of my bladder. From now on, when someone stands right next to me while I’m peeing and there are other options available to them, I swear I will splatter. Not just a little, but a lot. I will turn and pee down their fucking leg to make my point clear.
Again, to illustrate:
Now that I’ve got all this pointless ranting out of my system, I can go back to loving the world again. Thanks for listening. Truly. I know that sometimes I go off on a little angry tangent, but you should know that I appreciate you sticking with me. Love ya. Really. Serious. Let’s hug.
Hahaha, it is all true. The bathroom thing is the worst though. I hate that backwards asswad who always picks the stall right next to mine even though there are several others free. What’s wrong with those people? And they always come in when you’re mid way through the job, as it were, so you have to perch there halfway through the birth till they leave and you can make a splash. Fuckers.
I also hate people who sit next to you on the bus when the bus is almost empty. WTF is up with that? Am I that irresistible? Well yes, I am. Especially after that turd story up there.
I can’t even read all this…I’m afraid I’m going to get fired from my job, because I’m laughing like a baffoon. I just keep picturing somebody accidentally shitting on me because they got too close.
I’d normally say “Look, I think you need to get out more”, but apparently this is the most you’ve been out in four years.
Anyways, it’s obviously fucking you up big time, dude. You always used to be so calm.
Say it with me: “It’s only laundry.”
Re: Stalls
That’s why you’re supposed to go #2 BEFORE you leave home, or wait til you get home. I can’t wrap my head around why anyone would choose to use a public bathroom for #2. Unless, of course, it’s explosive diarrhea. In that case, you really have no choice.
Poo, I’m sorry for using the second to last washing machine.
If you sit in the next stall at the airport you get a blowjob!
Totally with you on this. I can’t believe there are people (read: idiots) out there who still “don’t get it”. They should be hung by their toes and shot at sunrise.
Meh.
you know, just maybe, the person who put their laundry in the second machine was actually playing by your rules because some mystery person hadn’t yet removed their finished laundry from the first machine.
That I hate – when idiots leave the laundry for hours after it is finished. And if, out of desperation, I should take their laundry out and place it neatly on the folding table, that is the exact moment, two hours later, that they walk in and look at me like I’m trying to steal their skanky boxers and bras.
>>>Love ya. Really. Serious. Let’s hug.
Somehow, that reminds me of the famous Diana Ross quote: “Love you, mean it, don’t touch”.
Cheers
I was thinking the same thing Agusto, but if that were true their clothes would have been in the dryer and Poo would have noticed that and stolen them.
He never steals wet clothes.
I’m only going to hug you if you have finished pooping and/or urinating in the proper vessel and have thoroughly washed your hands with hot water and soap for at least 30 seconds. And, you have dried your hands and then wiped up any splashes you made on the countertop. Got it?
Great to be back in the workforce, yes?
If I enter a restroom line up with 3 urinals, I will only use an end one. Even if the middle one is the only one available, I’ll go into the stall. You should see Fenway park (if you havent already)… it has the seldom seen “trough” that is just one big floor urinal that any number of guys can stand over at once. Awesome.
Umm, yeah, I’m only hugging you if you’re done splattering, ‘kay?
Oh, hey, I’ve got a piratey news story for you over on my blog which I think you might appreciate. (It’s got boobies in it. Need I say more?) I look forward to your take on it, Poo. (hint, hint)
I’ve thought and written about this myself many times. Seriously. I just don’t get people. Just when you think the world can’t get any dumber, you see some guy on the middle urinal. Awesome rant.
VA: Oh yeah, proximity sitters, they suck just as bad!
Cameron: Shitting on people is funny, unless you’re doing it in a porno, then it’s all business.
Kat: I refuse to let the matter go. Ever.
Caprice: I DO! I never crap in a public washroom unless I absolutely have to. I’m a camel of feces – I’ll go for a long time without having to poo or pee in a public bathroom too!
DB: THAT’S who is tapping my foot in the next stall all the time! And here I thought it was a congressman!
Pixie: Unite! Or Untie? Whatever applies!
Augusto: Since I never fold clothes, it’s a grab and go for me every time. Much like how I cop feels in office buildings.
DB: Never mind! There was a pair of panties mixed in with my shit the night before last, I’m not even kidding!! And I didn’t even TRY to steal them, someone must have left them in the dryer! (They didn’t fit.)
Geek: All these rules are getting int he way of my affections, can’t I just get a free pass?
Gwen: The place where I work is a fancied up house and only a dozen or so people work there, so it’s nice and non-public.
Mike: That’s fucking GROSS! I’ve seen those things before – what a fucking crappy set up!
Cora: Yarrgh, I did!
Slop: I think this is the second time I wrote about this phenomenon, but with almost 100 posts there’s no way I’m going back to check.
You can sell those panties on Ebay Poo. “My neighbor’s panties” the voyers would love that! You could start a cottage industry for panty thieves.
Get in on the ground floor and make some cash before the market is flooded!