Remember the first time you discovered that Gatorade wasn’t made from the blood of alligators?
Yeah, I felt that same sort of sheer disappointment when I learned that Gaza wasn’t the place where they made surgical gauze, it was actually a place in the middle east that has had a foot perpetually shoved in its ass since Israel came into being.
Lately there has been a lot of fighting in Gaza, I assume over minimum wages and the right to parrr-tay. I don’t get it.
I read a book once on the subject of Palestine vs Israel (or vice versa if that arrangement offends your sensibilities), which makes me an expert. Rather than gaining any sort of insight into the issues that plague Israel and its neighbors after reading this book, I discovered that everyone in that area is a fucking jackass.
In Israel people are bred to hate Arabs, and all around Israel Arabs are bred to hate Israel. Wait – not just HATE, some people don’t believe that other people don’t even have the right to exist, let alone live together in harmony.
For us people in the West, this simple concept eludes our fragile, sensitive brains. “Why can’t we all just get along?” we say, myself being guilty of it as well sometimes. I don’t think it’ll happen in our lifetime because it’s ingrained right into the noggins of all these people – just like us westerners believe that nuts have no place mixing with chocolate. (Or is that just me?)
But I have a solution.
As a Canadian, I offer our giant piece-of-shit island in the north – Baffin Island – to either the Israeli’s or the Palestinians to take over entirely and resettle to. Whoa whoa, don’t get started trying to rename it peeps, you can’t call it Gilgamesh or Hala-Hala-Ackbar or whatever the fuck you want, it’s still going to be Canadian soil and keep its name since we did all the hard work of stealing it from the Inuit and renaming it from ‘Tuktoyuktukmuckchuk’ to ‘Baffin’ already.
Sure, it’s not the ‘promised land’ that God designated for Arabs and Jews alike (talk about a double-gifter, that God), and it doesn’t have olive trees or ancient holy sites for you to kiss or stick your wieners in, but it has a lot of space and could be a fixer-upper for the time being while we wait for God to come down to earth and straighten out the tenancy arrangement of the shithole area in the middle east that people keep killing each other over.
And on that subject – the legitimate ownership of the tract of land that people have been fighting over for thousands of years, I think it should be turned over to Disney and made into a great big theme park. Then when Michael Jackson is lured into it with his boy-lust, we western nations can just collectively bomb the entire piece of land, rid it of its holy architecture AND MJ at the same time, and irradiate it so no one will want to fight over it again for thousands of years.
Or if no one’s going to agree on anything, I think we should take away everyone’s TV rights until shit gets settled. I’m sick of Israelite diplomacy and Palestinian hospitality, neither group is any better than the other, and the historical claims to the region are just bullshit passed on from one empty, vicious head to the next.
So what if it’s the promised land? It’s like fighting over the last piece of pie that’s been sitting on the kitchen counter for ten years. You may eventually win the fight to have it, but it’s still just a moldy piece of pie that’s going to make you feel ill once you finally eat it.
Hear, hear! And more hear!
See I always get confused because in the UK we had a football player called “Gazza” and I always get a little scared when I see headlines because Jesus Christ no, I do not want to see HIM strip.
Give me the petition. I’ll sign it.
Middle East this. Middle East that. Let’s go back to the REAL issue here – no nuts mixed in the chocolate, you say?! Depends on the chocolate and depends on the nuts, Poo. Like pecans for example. They have no damn business mixing with chocolate. I’m all for segregation there. But almonds? Mix the fuckers in!!!! I love that!!!!
Now, in my opinion, what should NEVER be mixed are pizza and pineapples. Ewww. REPULSIVE. True, not as bad as drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth with minty toothpaste (shudder), but still, pineapples on a pizza turns my stomach everytime. Jesus, why don’t we just throw peaches, watermelon and kiwi slices on it and call it a day?! Save the pineapples for the fruit salad, people.
If the Palestinians or the Israelis move to Baffin Island, they will need bigger missiles to hit each other.
First off – that business about no aligator parts in Gatorade has to be a vicious lie.
I guess you got your dead batteries recharged…like kind of sounds like Viagra or Cialis was involved but I’m not telling anyone.
The Israelis and the Palestinians have gotten used to that nice warm climate in the desert and will have a very hard time accepting your uber-generous offer of Baffin Island.
I must say that a “turtle” with caramels and pecans with a very light chocolate coating…yum yum.
From the movie “Zohan”.
“They’ve been fighting for 2000 years, it can’t be much longer”.
Umm…what the heck are you talking about here, Poo? Peanut M&Ms make the world go round.
Poobomber – SCOPE-TECH is hard at work removing the French from St. Pierre and Miquelon for the Canadians, and here you go inviting other fuzzy foreigners to Baffin?
Color me BAFFled!
See this is the basis of why we get along, the whole nuts and chocolate thing. It is just plain wrong. It’s Lord Voldemort wrong. It’s Satan wrong. It’s Tom Cruise wrong. It’s Rosie O’Donnell naked in a vat of apple sauce wrong. I will make an occasional exception for Snickers but peanut M&Ms are the anti christ and must be exterminated.
You rule.
Fighting over turf is the nature of man and beast. Well, alpha males, anyway. The alpha male gets all the women. 72 virgins, I’ve heard.
It’s really going to suck if I get to heaven and all the Islamists have tons of chicks!