Imagine my surprise this morning when I was looking at the CNN website. Salma Hayek is wandering around the world, randomly providing her breasts as meals to starving people.
Consider the following image for a moment and let the word “capacity” slowly pervade your brain:
It would appear, according to my estimates, that Salma Hayek would be capable of breastfeeding the following nations:
- Chile
- Chad
- Slovakia
- Slovenia
- Indonesia
- India
- Germany
- Belarus
- Nicaragua
Let me be the first to say that breastfeeding is a wonderful thing, especially during intercourse – milk is nature’s Red Bull during sex (I imagine). But let us not confuse business with pleasure – Salma is strictly all work, no play, those puppies are feeding orphans or something. (I never bothered reading the story and instead preferred to let my imagination take over so I have no idea what the story is about.)
While we’re on the subject, did you know Salma Hayek has used her breasts before for things other than babies’ mouths? It’s true! She has used them for:
- temporarily holding articles, like her lipstick or an Abrams tank
- a desk
- life preservers
- floor polishers
- pilates balls
- getting movie roles
Anyways, in all seriousness, it’s nice to see a Hollywood actress putting her boobs to good use and giving 1/2 the male population something other than the economy to think about for a day.
I’m very, very hungry. And when I’m sick, I whimper like a baby.
very, very hungry.
Have you ever had sex with your very pregnant wife / girlfriend / secretary / meter reader and her breastmilk is flying all over the room? Yeah…me neither.
Truly she is using God’s gifts to do the Lord’s work.
I remember seeing Salma for the first time in the movie Desperado. What an impact! Literally, she caused a traffic accident in the movie.
She seems very accessible and “real”. I saw a photograph taken shortly after the Desperado movie where she let a fan get a picture with her holding her boobs. That’s accessible!
If she’d just give me 1/8 of her boobs, she’d still be able to fulfill her feeding duties.
Geek, my boobs are 1/8 her size. It’s not all that great, unless you are female.
I guess I should cut down on the carbs.
They actually look PAINFUL to me. Like, really, OUCH.
And how the hell do they babies freaking feed through all that flesh?! Suffocation danger!! There should be a warning scrawled right across those things!! Yikes!!
I think she also probably helps save boating accident victims seeing as she has those natural (um…probably not sooooo natural) “floaties”. lol
I saw the interview and tuned in at the WRONG time…just in time to see one of the orphans suckling on that boob (which by the way are perfectly normal sized in my world) and for once in my godforsaken life I was speechless.
Like my brain emptied of all vocabulary like THAT! *snap*
Cora, I’d brave the suffocation factor if I were a Peruvian Tot.