My three month review at work is due. Although I consider myself to be doing a fantastic job – heck, I go the whole day without falling asleep or masturbating at my desk and there should be some sort of award for that, I really want to pull off something magical before reminding people that “Hey bitches, how’s about my raise review now?”
I’m considering a couple things just to blow people’s minds about how awesome I am.
1. For my first feat of awesomeness, I will need: a baby, a faulty ladder the baby can be standing on, a paint can, and a project for the baby to be painting near the bosses’ offices. Nothing says ‘hero’ like saving a falling baby’s life.
2. For the second feat of awesomeness, I will need: a bus with shoddy brakes, a load of East Indian people, and a cliff. I need this all to fit in the office somehow though, and the timing needs to be perfect for the bosses to see it. I think you can string together the ingredients to see what’s going to happen.
3. Third, I’ll need a printer or photocopier that runs out of paper just in time for the bosses to see me reloading it. That is pure fucking heroism right there, folks. I mean, who ELSE ever fills the printer with paper when it runs out? No one. Give me $250 more a month now, please.
I think these are some pretty good ideas. OR, maybe I could put together some big radical and revolutionary project that’ll turn the company upside down and make it millions. That’s probably easier than my other plans, after all, where the hell am I going to find a baby or a whole bunch of East Indian people on such short notice?
“after all, where the hell am I going to find a baby or a whole bunch of East Indian people on such short notice?”
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say “East India”?
You’re right though. Those should earn some bonus. If you can save two babies then juggle them you could be talking BIG money.
Go for the gold and save a bus full of East Indian babies from falling off a ladder next to a cliff by filling the canyon with copier paper.
#3 would have gotten you a promotion where I used to work. I swear, NO damn body ever wanted to mess with the copier!!!
Fix the paper jams and then we’ll talk.
Congratulation, Poo!! It seems like just yesterday, you were a burden on society. Oh, wait…..that was yesterday, wasn’t it?
Pull a baby out of the printer and blame the jam on a co-worker.
Be the guy who cleans out the office fridge, if you want to not only be a hero, but get a plaque.
We are getting an update on the review, right?! I wanna know how it went. I’m nosy like that. And bored.
Oh look at that. ^ Scope is on top of me. (wink)
Look I’m under Cora! (wink).
Scope get the fuck off there!
The insultatron said Dog Breath just slept with Cors 315 times.
How true.