Is it just me or is there a bizarre pile of hooplah going on these days about opening up your lives to the internets?
Everything is ‘share share share’ – “…And here’s a picture of a hip looking black chick with fuzzy orange hair laughing on a white background, now use our application and tell all your friends! Oh and look, you can share you vacation photos!”
Where are the applications for us antisocial wonks? I want an application that will search around the internet and erase the pictures of my testicles that I posted on a message board five years ago. Where’s your frikking application for that, Google?
Where’s the FaceBook application that goes around and tells all the people who *might* invite you to use Facebook that you fucking HATE FaceBook and the people on it? Kind of like a preemptive strike on social butterfly knobs. This can be done, c’mon, someone DO this.
How about “FuckoffBook,” the application for telling people to fuck off out of your life? “Hey Bob, you just received a FuckOff from your coworker, Dan. Click here to see your custom FuckOff!” I can see a good business in some cold application doing your dirty work for you. No one likes telling someone that you don’t want to go for a beer after work with someone as some sort of bizarre feeling-out to see if you’re going to be buddies, because you already know you’re not going to be buddies because you don’t LIKE having buddies, because you want each and every evening to be your very own without getting a call from someone asking you for a ride home from the bar because they’re drunk and ripped their fucking pants or something.
I mean really, there’s some great innovative stuff out there for you to help make friends, but I haven’t seen a single thing out there that will help you make other people angry, or send anonymous pictures of peyronie-penises to the guy two houses down that refuses to stop arguing with his tired-looking wife until 3AM every second night?
And the long-awaited application that will scan your inbox for people who send you messages but you don’t ever reply to – then take their email address and submit them to 15000 bizarre porn site membership lists. That would be awesome.
Seems like there’s a lot of room for applications out there on the interweb for people like me. I sense a business opportunity, maybe you guys won’t hear from me for a while. Shh, let’s keep these cool ideas between us.
I think with just a little more work, your Insultatron can become self-aware and start scouring the Internettubes for things/apps/people you don’t like.
Get crackin!
You could be on to something big – something I may want to invest in. Let’s get together over a beer and discuss it. Then, after that, maybe you could help me move some furniture and give me a ride to the airport.
FuckOffBook. I like that. There are people on Facebook I wish I’d never friended at all. Like my sister and her nosy hubby. They use fb like a spy tool to see what I’m saying to blog friends who they consider “strangers.” What am I, five years old?!?!
I would totally sign up for FuckOffBook, because I’m passive-aggressive like that.
I’m ready to sign up for the Fuckoff app. Sounds like a winner to me.
Cheers
I’m passively aggressive enough to think that removing people from my friends list on facebook, which they will never know if they don’t look for me sometime, is quite the statement. Yeah, I’m a pussy.
But I really would like to send ugly penises or FuckOff’s to some people that I’ve had contact with over the intarwebs, that really deserve it and will weep like babies when they realise that I, after five years of silence, don’t like them anymore. That’s fury, for real!……. What?
Hey, your comment-thingie removed my very important row of three dots after “real” and before” what?”. I’m disappointed.
God, I have praised you on my blog. Just thought you’d like to know!
Poo, you need to copywrite “fuckoffbook” and “Social notworking”.