I don’t envy women.

See, I think women have it hard.  Every time they open a magazine, browse to a web site, or turn on the TV, they have someone telling them how to be.

Even the mistress of women’s media – Oprah Winfrey – has a web site saying to women, “You can just be yourself!” then on the sidebar there are a hundred ads for getting slim, smelling better with deodorant, getting in touch with spirituality (suggesting that to be a woman, you must be spiritual), Dr. Oz’s guide to shitting your way into a fab figure, how Kirstie Alley went from being a big fat monster to just a monster (suggesting to women that they also can emulate a celebrity who’s made a living by something she’s done with her body), and various other ways to become a better person by watching Oprah on TV or buying Oprah magazine.

Hell, everything the media does in terms of marketing to women is in some way geared towards exploiting a woman’s insecurities.  Look at these magazine covers:

	What this cover says: You should be like Fergie.  Here’s how Fergie does it.
	What this cover says: Real women know their Strawberry recipes. And how to make decorative hanging baskets.  Making a nice home is your top priority!
	What this cover says: Your man wants you to put out.  Here’s all you need to know in order to put out.
	What this cover says: You can be happier – by knowing the rules of what to wear, how to eat, and understanding the male brain.
	What this cover says: No one likes a fattie!  Especially not fatties with, *gasp*, wrinkles!!!
	What this cover says: You need to emulate celebrity bitches.  Oh, and that dress looks nice on HER, forget that she has 12 hours a day free to exercise and thousands of dollars to blow on celebrity fitness trainers.  But anyways, you should keep up.

Fuck Oprah.  Fuck the media.  I’m sick of opening up a web browser and seeing snippets all over the place telling women how they need to be.  Can’t a woman like astronomy?  Can’t a woman obsess over anything other than getting a flat stomach?  Can’t a woman not worry about her man for a minute?  Would the world fall apart if a woman – *gasp* – didn’t want to be a baby-carrier?

No wonder men and women are from Mars and Venus, respectively.  No wonder men increasingly find women uninteresting.  Women have been brainwashed into only being concerned with being a woman – that is, a woman that only thinks about her appearance and activities and how they relate to men or as a competitive aspect with other women.  A typical woman can’t be fascinated with anything other than what she’s supposed to be, or if she is, she has to keep it a well-kept secret.

Men go about worrying about how the Celtics are doing, how to build an ATV out of spare vacuum cleaner parts, or how to make things explode, and are pretty much free to explore their interests without being told how to to look or how to act.  (Well, until Maxim came out anyways, now we’re also being told we need to wear Axe and bring out bling in order to score a chick that looks like a professional lap dancer, but for the most part, we’re not buying it.)

Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with being healthy and happy, but being constantly bombarded by shit telling you how to be healthy and happy – which of course implies you’re not -  certainly can’t make someone feel good, can it?

But what choice do women have?  Can they forget about their makeup and baby-production-facilities or environment-tending and instead focus on getting the highest score in Halo?  No way, they’d be ostracized and be declared an outcast – whereas if a guy did it, well, he’d be pretty much any guy you’d ever meet.  Things may be changing, but not fast enough for any women in our generation to enjoy.

And also, on behalf of men that exploit this shit in women, I sincerely apologize for any part that I have had in this whole enterprise.  I want women to be truly happier – not the kind of happy that the media pushes, but I want you to explore your personality and be whoever or whatever you want to be out in the open without considering how it pertains to attracting a man, keeping a man, or pleasing a man.  Nothing would please me more than to not hear you talk about babies and makeup and home decorating and casserole recipes, trust me.  And I think I speak on behalf of a lot of men when I say that you weren’t put on this earth to be eye-candy or play supporting actress roles for us men.

Women, I gotta hand it to you, you’ve got it rough.  I wish the world wasn’t like it is for you, we could have so much more in common if you weren’t force-fed this kind of shit from society.