Do you ever find yourself sitting around and wondering what it would be like if disco was back in fashion?  Not just disco itself, but the whole disco-era lifestyle!

You could get away with saying, “Hey baby, I’m a Virgo – my sign points to ‘Dancin’.”  But then you’re up on the dance floor with someone that’s not wearing a bra in a sparkly baby blue jumpsuit and you remember that you hate dancing, so you say to your would-be dance partner “Hey baby, now my sign points to the chair … over there, the booth really, where the music ain’t so loud.  Do you have some Tylenol – but make it funky Tylenol?”

Then you could strap on some roller skates and roll around everywhere – maybe to a bowling alley that you frequent, where people that look a lot like Larry from Three’s Company hang out.  “Hey Larry, you forgot to remove the Swedish Airlines stewardess from your penis!” you could yell across the lanes right when he’s throwing a ball.  Gutterball!  Oh man, he would be so …. Greek!

You could have two unattractive roommates and pretend you’re gay, because your landlords are old and not cool with people with opposite sexes living under the same roof when they’re not married.  How hypocritical of them, right?  They’re married and they don’t even like each other!

But that’d be okay with you, seeing as how you’re not planning on boning either roommate at any time in the near future unless you accidentally slip in the shower and somehow slide all the way out of the bathroom (with its rounded door frame) into the living room and on top of a sleeping female rent-payer, knocking both of you unconscious in the process.  Shit like that happens all the time, but it’s not like you too a vow of celibacy, right?  Right.  It’s the disco era – anything goes – and accidents happen all the time!  Accidents … like jumpsuits!

You could be a burgeoning chef too, maybe your specialty soup – the soup that will make you famous if it trickled down the throat of someone like the CEO of a multibillion dollar restaurant chain – could be the focus of some sort of bizarre yet hilarious sequence of events?  And in the end, you’d foul things up but you’d maintain your integrity – somehow, despite the polyester clothing you’re wearing, and manage to keep a smile on your face.

Ah man, it’d be great to be Jack Tripper.  Did I say “Jack Tripper”?  I meant, “It’d be great if the disco era was back.”  Sorry about the confusion.