Apparently last night the Emmy awards were given out to the best actors and actresses I’ve never heard of, except for Tyler Cranberry who plays the inspirational meth-dealing father of four boys, one of which is super-smart, one is weird looking, one is as smart as a bag of hammers, and the other one is some sort of misfit – but he’s sent off to school and not in a lot of the episodes.

If you haven’t seen the series, you definitely should – it’s called “Breaking Malcolm in the Middle“.

It’s zany, just zany!!

There’s one episode I’ll never forget:  The father (played by Tyler Cranstipation) tells his three sons to go to the Home Depot and get a polyethylene container – he’s very very specific about the plastic, since he’s a chemistry teacher and knows his shit- and a whole bunch of acid.  See, they’re trying to dispose of a mess they made during a weekend television marathon of “Tour of Duty”, and the garbage union’s on strike so they can’t just bag up everything and throw it out front, and the mom will home at any moment – she’s been off visiting her mother in Kansas or something.  The mom is a freaking psycho too, you don’t want to see her pissed off about a big mess.

Anyways, the boys can’t find a plastic tub big enough at Home Depot, so they decide to throw the mess in the bathtub upstairs and then dump the acid on it all to destroy the evidence, after all it’s a bathtub, right?  Made for holding liquids!

Dewey, the youngest kid, accidentally falls into the tub and no one notices that he fell in, so he’s sloshing around in the tub and whimpering (as he always does) and dissolving, no one notices because they’re busy looking through binoculars in the other room at the cute teenage neighbor girl that just moved in next door.

A few hours later, Tyler Cranberry returns home and asks the boys how they made out with the mess – and they tell him that everything’s cool and the the mess is dissolving in the tub.  You can see where this is going, right?

Just then, it dawns on Tyler Cranapple that they meant “BATHtub” – not the ‘polyethylene tub’ that he was very specific about that the boys buy.  And also at that very moment, the tub full of Dorito bags, beer cans, and Dewey’s half-dissolved carcass falls through the ceiling, as the acid ate right through the bathtub AND the floor.  Man, it was GHASTLY!

So now there’s acid and guts and garbage all over the floor and they’re all on their hands and knees cleaning it up in a big hurry.  All of a sudden the door opens and… you guessed it, there’s angry mom home from her trip.  She sees Dewey’s corroded torso, freaks out, and Tyler Cranbaloney panics and clubs her over the head.  Whoops.  He thinks she’s dead but they’re busy at that moment ‘cleaning up after Dewey’ so he bags her up and throws her in the old clunky motorhome parked outside that  he makes his crystal meth in.

Well, turns out she wasn’t dead.  She was just unconscious, so she wakes up, dazed and confused and wanders off down the street and gets ran over by Tyler Cranston who is going to get more acid, then something else happens and everything turns out alright in the end.  Everyone shares a laugh, except for Dewey who is quite liquidated and has been flushed down the sink, which is great since he was just more of an annoyance in the series than anything.

Anyways, it’s a fantastic show you should really tune in!  You’ll be laughing your ass off every three seconds!