Yesterday the government released the H1N1 vaccine (H1N1 = HINI, right? Hiney!) onto the local masses and have encouraged everyone to go and get it, despite not providing any real reason to go and get it.
People have been lining up at the gates to receive their shots, which isn’t surprising to me seeing as how Canadians and every good at doing what they’re told. Heck, the moment Tim Horton’s puts out a commercial to “Go and buy a pumpkin-flavoured donut”, drive-through’s around the nation are overwhelmed with elderly people who try to pay for their $2.19 coffee and donut order with cheques. We’re a nation of accommodating idiots, really, and goddamnit, we’re nice about it too.
I haven’t went and got the shot, in fact I’ll never go and get the shot, even if it were mandatory. I have many reasons for not getting it, but the biggest reason is because of the ingredients of the shot. Any of you who have done your homework will nod approvingly or disapprovingly and say to yourself, “squalene“. But no, that’s not it.
Sure, squalene might be a dangerous component, but there’s something else in the swine flu shots that is probably far more dangerous and threatening to my health than squalene, see for yourself:
Look a little closer….
Aha, can you see it?
Fuck that.
Holy fuck. You don’t want that little mutant gnome in your bloodstream, giving all your blood cells mullets and smelling like sweaty leather crotch. No wonder it’s a potent vaccine – that little component pepper sprays then cuffs any sign of virus after giving it a lecture about God and a tip on where not to get your hair done.
Is that Dog the Bounty Hunter or Lorenzo Llamas? I guess in either case, thumbs down to the vaccine.
Not to mention….THE SHIT IS BLUE!!!
Wait, are people honestly fucking freaking out over squalene?
Fine, if you’re so hotshit worried about squalene in the vaccine solution, go out and eat some deer shit. It has a mold in it that produces an excellent inhibitor of SQS, or squalene sythetase. There you go. You’re safe.
Oh, I should add that moose and elk shit also have a fair amount of this inhibitor.
You fools! Didn’t you read about the Canadians doing anything you say? He is out eating deer shit right now, probably dog shit too just in case.
On the other hand it’s funny so fuck him.
I was about to ask how you know about the contents of deer shit and its medicinal properties…but I really think I don’t want to know after all.
I had to do a presentation on a certain molecule that Pfizer has in its arsenal of anti-cholesterol drugs when in grad school. I chose my molecule because it looked cool, had a challenging synthetic route, and because they isolated it from a mold that appears in the shit of various cervids.
Mostly, I wanted to get in front of a panel of my peers and professors and see how often I could say the word “poop”.
Is there a difference between moose and elk? I thought they were the same.
The North American species are different. Would it help if I said “wapiti” instead of “elk”?
I’ll never get a flu shot either, so there you go. We have something in common besides beauty.
Flu shots are for cowards!!!
We Americans have Mr T in our swine flu shots, because he pities the fool that tries to invade my host body!
Impossible. Due to that “incident” in Mexico, Mr. Dog cannot leave the U.S. of A.
Just be glad they didn’t just put the vaccine directly into the pumpkin donuts (or did they?) because once Tim Horton’s put out the ads telling you to buy the pumpkin donuts you wouldn’t have had the choice.
I’m pretty sure the vaccine is just Windex with a wee bit of antibiotic mixed in.
The swine flu shot turns you slowly into a pig like the donkey disease in pinoccio.
The price of pork bellies will plummet!