On my drive into work this morning, I passed by a gaggle of picketing employees outside of one of the many behemoth buildings that house our government’s power corporation (‘hydro’ as it’s known in many parts of this country, which must be discouraging to the employees at nuclear reactors, wind farms, and coal plants whose methods of generating power seem to be forgotten by their own agencies – I bet they’re pissed).

The striking workers were preventing traffic from turning off the main road, and were generally causing disarray for the average commuting Joe in their (I’m assuming) quest for a fat juicy raise while the rest of the nation struggles to keep employed.

I fucking hate unions, every single union I’ve been forced to have been a member of was a breeding ground for lazy, seniority-grasping pissheads with nothing better to do than to incite and promote dissent every few years.  And worse, if you had the nuts to criticize the union, you’d leave work that night and there’d be sperm all over your windshield.  I’m kidding, no sperm.  Poo, maybe.  But probably poo from a big cranky looking guy with a lot of hair on his buttocks, so it’s not much better than sperm.

Anyways, unions were all good and great back in the day when the worker was powerless and there were no agencies or laws to protect someone from losing their fingers in a girder factory every few hours.  But now they’re for the most part evil, corrupt organizations that do no good for their employees or the companies that are forced to tolerate them.  Look at GM, Ford, Chrysler – thanks in part to their employees, they’re almost out of business.  And what do the young employees have?  Grade 12 educations, party time!

Fine, there may be some good things unions have done recently, but I don’t care, I’m painting a one-sided picture.  It’s my party and I’ll wear latex if I want to.  Wait, that’s not how that saying goes, is it.

Back to the picketing assholes who feel that their need for a 4% or whatever raise is enough to justify me getting to work 30 seconds later (the nerve!) – as I watched them being dicks this morning, I imagined various scenes involving their little greedy strike. ['Little strike', that is until the power goes out and my laptop batteries run dry, then it's a BIG strike.]  Here are the things I was thinking as I idled by them in my Lamborghini:

Scene 1: Arnold Schwarzenegger jumps out of a truck stopped at the picket lines and shoots all the striking workers (I didn’t say my ideas were particularly funny or creative, did I?)  He then leans over a worker bleeding and grappling for his last breath and says, “I hohwp yowah bahganing position improves frum heah, bay-bee.”

Scene 2: Steve Perry from Journey jumps out of a truck, weaves his way into the picket line, then begins singing with his silver voice, and the striking workers powerlessly follow him off a cliff.  Well, the workers fall off a cliff – Steve Perry is fucking magic so he floats to safety or something.  Yeah.

Scene 3: Someone like me who hates unions and strikes, dresses up as a giant Smurf and joins their picket line.  Yknow, to lend them credibility.  And what are they going to do, beat up someone dressed like a big furry Smurf for making them look stupid??

Scene 4: I drive by and give them all the finger under the dashboard.

Scene 5: I drive by and give them all the finger above the dashboard.  And make ninny faces.  “Poo poo on your collective agreement!”

So anyways, that’s all.

(What, did you expect me to say something funny or scintillating or mature?)