I broke my RSS feed reader last week and have yet to bother fixing it.
This means I haven’t read a blog in several days now, including yours. Have I missed anything yet? Are you still up to your old tricks?
The thing is that with all of this new found time each morning since I’m not reading blogs, I have plenty of extra time to develop and nurture alternate crippling internet addictions or expand my horizons beyond reading people’s blog caption contests or people’s political perspectives on Avatar and/or M.A.S.H. or their childrens fledgling senses of humor or the blood clots they developed in their uteruses or whatever people blog about each day.
For example, yesterday I went to some sort of news site and learned something about some earthquake in some country called ‘Haiti’, which sounds like a great place to be a looter, necrophiliac, or quite possibly both at the same time. Have you heard about this?? Man, it sounds like paradise to me. Not because I’m a necrophiliac, but because I’ve always wanted to walk out of some sort of collapsed building while holding a TV set and yelling French curse words. Life doesn’t get any better than that, unless of course you’re drunk while doing it.
Yes, with all of this new time, this could be a new era of me. A new era of time spent learning, broadening my horizons, a new era of having the free time each morning to masturbating onto a stiff old 1983 newspaper clipping of Nancy Reagan I keep in a special tube stored behind a broken piece of drywall near my desk. The world is my oyster.
Is “broke my RSS feed reader” just another clever euphemism for masturbating?
I’ll get the hot glue gun. That bastard fixes EVERYTHING.
Man, I wish I had plenty of extra time to develop and nurture alternate crippling internet addictions.
That’ll teach you to be all fancy instead of just slumming it with a Google Reader like everyone else, fo. Nothing can break Google. It’s God of the Internets. It is unbreakable, like Paris Hilton’s ribs. I’m only assuming this because if they were breakable surely someone’d have done it by now?
Just don’t confuse the hot glue with lube. That will leave a mark.
Ah Poo there’s always time to masturbate!
Maybe the Red Cross will sponsor you to go to Haiti and do a Travel Channel special…
The Necro Files.
Maybe you could cornhole David Duconvy’s corpse, Save Anne Jillian for me, naaa go ahead, collect the whole set.
Ah, the sexy Nancy. Big old head on a pixy body. Hawt times!!!
I suggest using Duct tape for fixing that rss feed. Nothing works better than that.