Author Archives:
>An open letter to Oscar<
Note to Oscar or whoever runs the show:
Dear Oscar,
You and I have a less-than-storied history – usually every year I skip your pomp and ceremony, electing instead to catch up on activities such as sharpening the kitchen knives, pulling hair out of the bathtub drain, and sorting black and white porno classics in to wankategories [...]
>Just a reminder…<
The winter Olympics may be over, but they’re not really over. You see, we tend to forget the other Olympics – the Paranormal Winter Olympics – that are just about to start on the heels of the last 17 days.
To be honest, I’m never really sure what happens during the Paranormal Olympics. In the regular [...]
>Update<
Today marks the third week in a life without blogs (y’know, aside from my own). Ever since my feed reader broke and I declined out of sheer laziness to remedy the issue, I haven’t read another blog, posted a comment, or masturbated to any photos of someone who may be either a young Gene Simmons [...]
>Toyota and the Jacksons<
Lately there’s been a big buzz over Toyota cars exploding or transforming into Gobot overlords and then eating people or something like that. Oh right, their brake pedals stick down, or the accelerators stick down. What happens if they BOTH stick down? You’ve got nothing to complain about in that case then, [...]
>Broken RSS reader freedom<
I broke my RSS feed reader last week and have yet to bother fixing it.
This means I haven’t read a blog in several days now, including yours. Have I missed anything yet? Are you still up to your old tricks?
The thing is that with all of this new found time each morning since I’m not [...]
>Haiti update<
This morning I was thinking about the Haiti earthquakes and was feeling sad about all of the people that died and were left homeless.
Then I thought about the ham and Swiss sandwich I got from Tim Horton’s last night didn’t have the extra Caesar sauce I requested. Damn you Tim Horton, I PAID FOR THAT [...]
>Presidents and technology<
According to the news, yesterday marked the first time in history that a president ‘tweeted’.
Far from being excited about the embrace of new technology by people in positions where embracing new technology usually means ‘approving laser guided robot spy hackers,’ or ‘assfucking communism with a new type of nuclear rocket that like expands and stuff [...]
>Airport screening – the new pornographers<
Apparently some dude tried to blow up a plane over Christmas with exploding underwear. Like any sort of event involving airplanes, the world has responded by freaking the fuck out and installing super-duper scanning equipment at airports around the world for the slight cost of $18 trillion plus tax.
If you’ve seen the resolution of this [...]
>Avatar – the steaming pile of shit at the end of the shit rainbow<
“If I wanted to see blue people fighting with bows and arrows, I would continue smothering this little tribesman I smuggled home from the rainforest in my luggage.”
-Me
I read this morning that Avatar is on its way to grossing more money than Elvis, the Beatles, Titanic, Striptease, Jimmy’s Seafood Shack, an empty tin can, Ron [...]
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