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Griping

#Haiti update#

This morning I was thinking about the Haiti earthquakes and was feeling sad about all of the people that died and were left homeless. Then I thought about the ham and Swiss sandwich I got from Tim Horton’s last night didn’t have the extra Caesar sauce I requested.  Damn you Tim Horton, I PAID FOR [...]

#I lied. I said I would never blog about how much sports suck again, but look ! There’s more!#

Apart from being an awesome humanitarian with my most recent invention, the “Homeless People Gas Chamber Decoy Liquor Store” (eff you and your narrow Nobel prize win, Obama, I’m solving homelessness!), I’m also an awesome judge of blog content. Yes, I write blogs AND I also read them – but not just read them like [...]

#How the sun bleaches out sensibility#

Yesterday we went to the beach in order to take a nice break away from our day jobs as skydiving window cleaners.  I mean don’t get me wrong, wiping skyscraper windows is an exciting job when you’re doing it at 100 miles an hour, but after a while you just need to get away from [...]

#Work. Bono. Again.#

Last night I worked till midnight.  It was a long day.  This morning my brain feels like it’s been sapped of its blog-spewing goodness as a result. Oh sure, I could go on about Bono or dildos, both the same really, or I could yammer on about farts and poop and pee and whatever else [...]

#I’m the Christmas card grinch!#

Okay, I’ve never got the whole thing about Christmas cards. I’m not talking about the funny ones, I mean the serious “Here’s our life in a nutshell, updated” ones where you know the sender is hardcore into Christmas card writing and has about a thousand people to mail them to.  Where at their house for [...]

#Hollywood = Holidays and Slacking Off At Bar Mitzvahs#

If there’s anything we can agree on, it’s that Hollywood is full of a bunch of lazy assholes. And also that lotteries are taxes for mathematically challenged individuals, but that’s irrelevant right now. Regarding Hollywood, why on earth do people there get so much time off? You and I work all year (granted, we also [...]

#Confusion Corner#

Sometimes I get adventurous and try alternate routes to get from point A to point B.  It’s not that I’m looking for a more pleasant journey, it’s usually because I have to poo or some sort of food is waiting for me at the other end.  Or both.  But not both as in “I eat [...]

#I hate fashion.#

“Fashion” of course refers to the ability to view something else that someone is doing and therefore values in some way, and then attach a similar value to it in your own mind regardless of its function or form or purpose.  If no one could know what anyone else was doing, fashion wouldn’t exist because [...]

#Walmart#

I just got back from a shopping trip to Walmart. I like Walmart because I don’t particularly care about quality.  I’m happy to buy five $5 can openers at Walmart for the price of one can opener at Sears, or some place where fools pay for “higher quality” stuff that functions the same, but comes [...]

#Police reports – useful or just plain stupid?#

For a long time, I’ve thought police reports of people in the press are the stupidest things I’ve ever read (aside from that one time I skimmed a page of a Danielle Steele novel just to see what the hell her work is all about). Case in point – in the news this morning, I [...]

#The Insultatron#

#Top Commenters (For Whom I Reserve The Hugest Erections)#

@Where do my bitches come from?@

@Categories@

>Disclaimer

Everything here is a work of satire and fiction. Any resemblances to people, alive or dead, real or fictional, is purely coincidence even if it looks like it's not, or even when I explicitly say it's not, because I have poor judgement.

If you find this blog offensive, please leave and never come back, ever. Returning if you're offended is about the most retarded thing you can do.

If you're here to build a court case against me, fuck off. You're not allowed to be here.

Before you jihad me, realize that I don't even believe the things I say. For real. It's all a big sham. Thanks for visiting though.
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September 2010
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