>Category Archives:
If there's a hell I'm going to it
#An open letter to Oscar#
Note to Oscar or whoever runs the show:
Dear Oscar,
You and I have a less-than-storied history – usually every year I skip your pomp and ceremony, electing instead to catch up on activities such as sharpening the kitchen knives, pulling hair out of the bathtub drain, and sorting black and white porno classics in to wankategories [...]
#Just a reminder…#
The winter Olympics may be over, but they’re not really over. You see, we tend to forget the other Olympics – the Paranormal Winter Olympics – that are just about to start on the heels of the last 17 days.
To be honest, I’m never really sure what happens during the Paranormal Olympics. In the regular [...]
#Broken RSS reader freedom#
I broke my RSS feed reader last week and have yet to bother fixing it.
This means I haven’t read a blog in several days now, including yours. Have I missed anything yet? Are you still up to your old tricks?
The thing is that with all of this new found time each morning since I’m not [...]
#Haiti update#
This morning I was thinking about the Haiti earthquakes and was feeling sad about all of the people that died and were left homeless.
Then I thought about the ham and Swiss sandwich I got from Tim Horton’s last night didn’t have the extra Caesar sauce I requested. Damn you Tim Horton, I PAID FOR THAT [...]
#“Alive” … the date-safe re-imagining#
Last night we watched one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen, and probably one of my all-time favorite romantic comedies, “Alive”. Have you seen it?
It’s based on the true story of the Uruguayan rugby players who survived a plane crash in the Andes only to find Kate Hudson stowed away in the plane’s forward [...]
#I’ll donate when you pry the money from my cold, dead hands!#
If you’re a new visitor to this blog, the first thing you need to know about this blog is that I’m totally into hating stuff here.
This is my little place in the universe to be a complete asshole and not care about how I sound, who I offend, or how many people I made cry. [...]
#Oh shit, happy nine one one Bememberance Day!#
Today is a day that will live in infamy…. that is, until something awesomely cancelley happens on this day in the future, like perhaps Jesus rises from the dead. Or descends from the Heavens? Up or down, one or the other I’d expect. He’d totally fuck me up if he moved laterally, like “Hey, Jesus [...]
#Another dead Kennedy?#
Hey, what’s this about Ted Kennedy croaking?
I’m not one for giving a shit, so it comes as no surprise that Ted Kennedy is another dead Kennedy that was probably a good person but someone I’m not going to mourn over. After all, he was successful, and successful people make me feel inferior. So do clowns. [...]
#God Answers Your Prayers#
Hello children of …me! Ever wonder late at night when you’re kneeling next to your bed and praying quietly to yourself why I don’t answer? You DO pray to me every night, don’t you? Well okay, how about at Church then? Oh, you don’t go to church anymore since the pastor touched your hoo-hah [...]
#Reasons for someone pulling the fire alarm at 2 in the morning#
Last night as I lay in bed sleeping, drooling and likely dreaming of hunting arachnid people with a bow and arrow, I was awakened by the loudest, most horrible sound possible. No dummy, not Rosie O’Donnell inserting a watermelon in her vagina without any lubrication, it was the apartment complex’s fire alarm.
Of course it [...]
#Top Commenters (For Whom I Reserve The Hugest Erections)#
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