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Category Archives: Inter-Blog Fraternization

Merry Christmas, Fuckers!

Monday, December 22, 2008 – 11:33 PM

Some of you people are leaving early for the holidays, so you won’t be able to receive the Christmas gifts I bought (or rented, or kidnapped) for you.  Shucks.

Anyways, here are the gifts I got for everyone, in no particular order:

Gifts From A Broad: A big case of Tylenol and a puppy.  Or a kitten.  You’re gonna need one for the other.

Catherinette Singleton: Congratulations, you get a tube (bottle?) of rePhresh!  Make sure you show it to your coworkers before you use it as proof though.

Red: A handsome, well-read, well-travelled….gay man!  Hee, kidding, I got you a Blue-Ray DVD player and a bunch of HD-DVD movies.  I know you can’t play one in the other, which is why it’s kind of ironic.  You like irony, right?

Guv’ner: You get a fur house and free subway ticket!  Oh, and MS Excel 2007!

Winter: Free tickets to Mexico to pick up a new gardener.

Mathdude: Slide rule or a TRS-80 calculator - pick one.

Jon: Teck’s avatar!  Seriously, it’s all yours this year, but you have to give it back to him in 2010.

Grant Miller: A basket of fresh picked cucumbers to feed your staff with.

Falwless: A keyboard, cause yours is broken.

Katrocket: A vibrating Daniel Craig doll made of latex, romantic candles, and a whole crate of lubricant.

Pistols: A jet ski.  I couldn’t afford the motorboat you keep talking about.

Suze: A truckload of assorted sandals.  You like sandals, right?  Also, Canadian scented body spray - live the experience!   You know you wanna.

Beckeye: A vibrating latex John Travolta doll with dislocating hips, front row seats to American Idol 2009, and an extending arm to grab at singers from your seat with.

Michael (I am playing outside):  Bus tickets!  Har har.  Seriously though, cab fare for a month.

Whiskeymarie: Vodka, lots of fucking vodka.

Tony Spunk: Condoms.  Lots of fucking condoms.

Bert: Coconut to go with your bananas.  A whole tree full!

McGone: A copy of MS Paint, work your magic in 2009!

Mjenks: Whichever gift Mathdude didn’t pick.  (TRS-80 I hope.)

Words Words Words: Frozen hens, a slow cooker, and a broken telephone.

Mike: A GPS.  Damn you’re a hard guy to shop for.  What does someone get for the guy that has everything?

Alice: A year’s free cab rides, whoops, that cab company is in Edmonton.  Also, free passes to the Stampede, whoops, those are expired.  I guess golf clubs?

Candy: A new iPhone!  Whoops, it’s a Ukrainian version.  Just click things, you’ll get used to them.

Tony Alva: Guitar Hero!

Dr. Zibbs: A pair of Gwen’s used underwear.

Gwen: A pair of Dr. Zibb’s used underwear.

Some Guy: A new pair of ski boots, a bag of doritos, and a new HD camcorder!

Iwo Ginger: A spitoon and an AK47.

Leoness: Lots of cheap fucking beer.  Cases and cases of it!

Melo: A new coffee mug, twice as big and pink as Bubba.

Dale: A bee costume and a whoopee cushion.

Veggie Assassin: An iPod touch, preloaded with Britney Spears songs and pictures of old naked men.  And a year’s supply of Green Tea Ginger Ale.

Greta: You asked for world peace, right?  Voila!  (You don’t see anyone fighting at the moment, do you?)  Okay fine, I got you a fancy blender too, cause world peace is a sucky gift.

Imaginary Reviewer: X-ray specs and a vintage typewriter!

Lydia: A level 70 warlock.  Decked out.  Affliction specced.

Sassy Bitch: Pictures of people giving other people the finger.  Framed.

Unfinished Rambler: A 120 piece Snap-On tool set!

Fancy: A birthday a little further away from Christmas, say February 18th?

Scope: Strippers man, crazy strippers without ambition!

Sass: Cardboard cutouts of my head.

H: Pot and tie-dyed shirts!  Ha ha!

E: A custom Seahawks paint job for your car with flames and everything.  And a teenage vampire of your own to suck on.  (Not in THAT way, you know, like a vampire sort of way!)

Cameron: A video featuring your wife and another hot woman…doing it.  While looking back at the camera and saying your name.  And a box of tissues.

Pixie: Platform shoes and boxing gloves.  And plenty of Cabernet so you can get drunk and punch tall people.

Augusto: George Clooney.  Sorry man, I couldn’t get Anthony Bourdain, he was busy.

Dog Breath: Cases and cases of mints, earplugs, and a new hard hat.

Cora: Karate lessons and a picture of a giraffe.  You like random silly stuff right?

Catherine: Randomly chosen grand prize winner - a safari trip to Africa, a whirlpool spa, and a 2009 Ford Explorer!

Well, I hope I didn’t miss anyone.  If I did, it’s probably because I don’t like you.  Kidding, it’s because I was on the phone while writing these - tells you much I thought of both my phone conversation and the blog gifts hey?

Let me know if your name isn’t on this list and we’ll see what I have in the cupboards to give you!

By Poobomber | Comments (28)

I’ve been tagged!

Friday, December 19, 2008 – 7:44 AM

elvis-plate

I’ve been tagged by both Scope and E Deconstructed (or is it just ‘E’?) for the That Blue Yak  Crappy Gifts For Sick People charity junkraiser.  Wow, talk about being double teamed.

I was thinking to myself, “Self, what is the shittiest gift you could possibly give sick people for Christmas?”  Herpes was my first thought, because, you know, dumping another ailment on someone is probably the worst thing you could ever do.

I decided to forgo the ailment route and instead combines the two shittiest things I could think of:  Elvis Presley and things that have no function.  Combine the two, and we get an Elvis Collectible Plate - a plate so idiotic and useless that sick people couldn’t help but laugh at receiving it.

They might even fight over it just for a great laugh? You know how at a gift exchange people get all goofy and pretend to be excited at something ridiculous they get?  It might turn out to be the hit gift at the sick person shelter!  Err, I guess that would be a hospital.

Anyways, I must forward on this meme so that we can continue spreading our own brand of sickness in the world.  Here are the rules:

1) Pick a crappy gift for the That Blue Yak Crappy Gifts For Sick People Stockpile and post it on your site.
2) Pick 5 bloggers that you think might want to open their hearts and pick a crappy gift.
3) Link back to this post.
4) And if you really want to get into heaven, write, “I POSTED A CRAPPY GIFT” in the comments section of this post so we can see the crappy gifts you picked.

The bloggers I pick are randomly selected by my hand that moved the mouse over from my RSS feeds so there’s no favoritism going on here:

Please visit their blogs to see if they follow through on this stuff.

By Poobomber | Also posted in Memes and youyous | Comments (15)

Everyone’s favorite commenter has a new blog!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 – 9:44 PM

One of these dogs is having a good time. The other? Jus' taking care of business.

My anonymous buddy, Dog Breath, who usually writes far funnier comments than I do blog posts, has started up his own new blog.  Please visit his fledgling electronic internet word page, where things already appear to be getting maniacal.

Toxic Advice From a Bad Role Model

PS:  I can’t comment on your blog, Dog Breath, stupid crap poopy dildo muffin Google my ass fart face Blogger name/url comments aren’t allowed.  Not that I would anyways, I can’t even comment on my OWN blog any more these days.  I tried though.

PSPS:  Dog Breath votes for me every day at Humor-Blogs.com.  How awesome is he?  He’s so fucking awesome that he gets his own blog entry.  You can too!  Click the link below and give me a smiley, and I will be your friend forever!  Right Augusto?

By Poobomber | Also posted in Announcements | Comments (3)

“Blogs That Feature Me” today

Monday, December 8, 2008 – 8:03 AM

If you can’t get enough of me, there’s always some other blogs around that are talking about me.  Please let me know if you’ve featured me in your blogs/web sites/publications recently and I’ll add it to the list.

By Poobomber | Also posted in Stroking My Ego or Other Parts of Me | Comments (7)

Help wanted!

Friday, November 21, 2008 – 11:58 AM

Okay, look, gang - you’ve came through for me before with that midwifery help of yours and my male pregnancy dealio (thanks again, water births are def. the way to go and your hands were oh-so-gentle)…now I need your help once again.

Some Guy is holding his blog for ransom.

I am an avid reader of Mr. Guy (and not ‘the Guy’ that unwisely slept with the praying mantis they call Madonna), and unless we post 100 comments (no duplicates either, the bastard) he’s not going to post anything more.

So please, head on over there and spew him some filth or write about your puppies or something so I don’t have to go this weekend without seeing a video of him eating Doritos loudly.  I think he even offered to pay each of you $50 if you said I sent you, although I might have just made that up.

Thanks in advance,

Poo

By Poobomber | Also posted in Me trying to get you to do something constructive (for me) | Comments (8)

Hintitty hint hint hint hintaroo

Thursday, November 20, 2008 – 3:08 PM

Blogs I subscribe to, love, and would like to comment on all the time on but they don’t allow self-hosted bloggers like me with only a name/URL:

Blogs I haven’t read, won’t read, and probably wouldn’t care less if they had only name/URL restrictions on comments:

Awesome bloggers who caved into my pleadings and have now moved on to a fuller, richer life with my comments in it:

People that should write blogs but don’t as far as I know:

  • Augusto
  • Dog Breath

People whose blogs are fucking FANTASTIC and I read every single post like a fanatic, but I can just never think of anything to leave in the comments and as such, they probably think I’m a prick, or maybe they don’t even think about me at all, which is kinda unfathomable:

Blog that I love reading and was just chosen by moving the mouse randomly along my RSS feeds and then opening my eyes to see which blog my mouse was hovering over:

Bloggers that need to write more often because I said so:

Bloggers that need to write less:

Bloggers who I subscribe to, read every day, enjoy thoroughly, and really need to add to my blogroll:

  • Many.  Feel free to drop me a hint.
By Poobomber | Comments (24)

Dr. Zibbs plus Poobomber = BFF’s

Wednesday, November 19, 2008 – 10:20 AM

I just wanted to rub it in your face, world.  I won Dr. Zibb’s contest to become his newest BFF!

Stay tuned - I’ll do another pictoral today of the things I see the good Doctor and I doing together on our adventures!

By Poobomber | Comments (12)

An Essay On Why Dr. Zibbs and I Should Be BFF’s

Tuesday, November 18, 2008 – 11:45 AM

Yesterday, Dr. Zibbs announced that he would be having a contest to decide who would be his BFF by getting them to describe the perfect day with him.  I submitted the following entry, but this morning I decided to up my game by adding pictures.  I really want to win this contest!

In lieu of his actual picture I have submitted Bill Pullman’s face, who I imagine Zibbsy to look like and is also the most random face I could think of at the moment.

A Day In The Life of You And I

Okay, this would all take place in Florida.

First of all, you and I would go out for breakfast. There would be very little talking; we would order omlettes (you would have a ham and cheese and I would have a loaded) and we’d sit and read the newspaper quietly, maybe occasionally asking each other how our coffee is or pointing out silly things in the paper. At some point you’d pretend to talk about the stock market like you were reading symbols from the paper, but then I’d pull the paper down and see that it was the daily comics you were looking at, and we’d have a good laugh and then go back to drinking coffee quietly.

Then we’d go for a drive around and see how long it took a couple of gringos like us to get carjacked. You would win the bet we’d have between us about how long it might take because I imagine you to be perfect at estimations.

After that, we’d get another car and drive down to the beach. You’d be excited and running along the beach in front of me picking up seashells. Then when your pockets got full, you’d turn your attention to bikini-clad chicks and make funny comments about their thongs. I’d laugh and laugh and direct your attention everywhere and you’d keep on commenting and maybe try out some suave pick up lines on them for a laugh.

Then we’d drive up to Disney World. I’d buy you a ticket and sit in the car and nap while you had your fun for the afternoon. You’d return to the parking lot hours later with ice cream all over your face and wander around hopelessly looking for the car. Eventually I’d spot you trying to break into a BMW and stop you from getting arrested in your sugar-induced frenzy.

Then we’d drive over to Sea World, I’d pay for the tickets again and we’d go and sit in front of the whale tank and try and get splashed. I imagine you getting really excited and having a little happy freak out when the whale finally splashes you.

After that, we’d go and get our pictures taken in one of those bandit-brothel places where you dress up and they do a daguerreotype photo that you buy. But we’d ask some random elderly lady to join us and dress up like a prostitute. You’d be trying to hold your fingers up behind her head and the photographer would be getting really frustrated with you. We’d laugh a lot and the old lady would be generally clueless. We’d skip out on paying for the pictures because “They aren’t good quality” and run off before the proprietor could catch us.

Then in the evening, we’d go and find some cheap Miami-Vice type suits and hit the clubs! I’d dare you to wander around asking ladies if they wanted a fleshy filling, and you’d be getting more and more drunk every hour to the point where you couldn’t stand and the bouncers would kick us out and maybe beat us up a bit.

Then we’d call it a night and return to our separate hotel rooms, but just as I would be falling asleep, you’d be banging on the door and crying about how you just saw America’s Funniest Home Videos on the TV and some little girl was mean to her brother on it and how that reminded you of something that happened to you when you were little. I’d let you in and console you, then you’d get rowdy and try and fight me and I’d calm you down and give you some ice cubes or Halls to suck on until you fell asleep on the floor.

That’s our day.

By Poobomber | Also posted in My own favorites of me | Comments (27)

Shoes

Thursday, November 13, 2008 – 9:55 AM

Okay, over at Mjenk’s blog people are giving fashion advice to a female coworker of his about a blind date that she’s going to be going on.  Gwen made a comment that men love boots, and it struck me as odd.  Do women really think men consciously think about shoes at ALL?

Then I thought that maybe I’m the only weird one that couldn’t tell you about what type of shoe a woman was wearing on a date even if it had poked my eye out during the subsequent after-date victory sex.  (Kidding, having sex after a date is for ambitious people. )  (And having dates to begin with is for ambitious people.)

Please participate in the following polls.  If you’re a hermmie, feel free to choose from the gender that you most identify with in public.

Women Men

Women - do you think men give a shit about your shoes?

View Results

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Men - do you give a shit about women's shoes?

View Results

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By Poobomber | Also posted in Your Voice is worth a thousand hummingbird wing flaps | Comments (22)

Awesomeness

Thursday, October 23, 2008 – 4:58 PM

I’d just like to toot my own horn here for a brief moment.
Some of you awesome people have gone the extra mile for me, tossing me votes left and right all over Humor-Blogs.com. For that, you have my undying love because…

…look!

I’m the second biggest geek ever!

And in the Crude Blog category, guess who took 4th place? Okay, guess again, it’s ME!



And, best of all, guess who’s #1 in the funny picture department? No, not Steven Colbert’s graphic design team….ME! Look!!

Thus begs the question:

So where’s the movie deal??  Someone?  Anyone?  Damnit, I didn’t get those teeth-whitening strips just to sit here and look pretty in my own little office!  Why are the agents not beating down my door?  Oh well, I guess I’ll go back to being a douchebag until George Lucas gives me a ring.

Anyways, I know that just because I’m ranked up high, that doesn’t make me any better of a blogger than any other bloggers, I just happen to post 14000 entries each day and vote for my own entries every time.  See?  I can be modest or whatever it’s called when you feign a bit to make yourself seem not so awesome.  Or wait, isn’t that called “humbility” or something?  I have no idea.  Someone enlighten me here.

I’d like to thank you guys for voting me up there, you’re all awesome.  You know who you are.  (Even if you didn’t vote, you’re still 90% awesome.)

And for the rest of you that didn’t vote, I’m still accepting financial contributions to my war on Humor-Blogs.com.  $25 will get you a new set of golf clubs and a gallon of what might be my urine.  (Not sure what that is, it’s been in my fridge for over a year now.)

By Poobomber | Also posted in Me trying to get you to do something constructive (for me), Stroking My Ego or Other Parts of Me | Comments (7)