>Category Archives:
Things I Overheard In My Head
#Presidents and technology#
According to the news, yesterday marked the first time in history that a president ‘tweeted’.
Far from being excited about the embrace of new technology by people in positions where embracing new technology usually means ‘approving laser guided robot spy hackers,’ or ‘assfucking communism with a new type of nuclear rocket that like expands and stuff [...]
#Airport screening – the new pornographers#
Apparently some dude tried to blow up a plane over Christmas with exploding underwear. Like any sort of event involving airplanes, the world has responded by freaking the fuck out and installing super-duper scanning equipment at airports around the world for the slight cost of $18 trillion plus tax.
If you’ve seen the resolution of this [...]
#Hollywood Christmas Carols!#
(sing to the tune of Jingle Bells)
Matt Dil-lon,
Matt Dil-lon,
Let me touch your eye-brow.
I’m glad you
Succeeded
Despite your obvious deformity.
—
(sing to the tune of Jingle Bells)
Ben Af-fleck
Ben Af-fleck
You’ve got a huge chin.
Too bad Matt Damon
Can’t get you roles
In any more movies he’s in.
—
(sing to the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)
Robin the red nosed drunkie,
Has a very [...]
#ICANN – bringing hope.com and porn.com to a whole new global audience!#
So the internet is poised to allow non-latin characters for domain names in mid-November. What does this mean for you?
It means a whole new wave of spam for http://www.???.com.
Oh shit, you probably have no idea what that means, do you? (Hell, neither do I.)
While us latin-y people are grumbling about how it’s going to [...]
#Strikes and spares#
On my drive into work this morning, I passed by a gaggle of picketing employees outside of one of the many behemoth buildings that house our government’s power corporation (‘hydro’ as it’s known in many parts of this country, which must be discouraging to the employees at nuclear reactors, wind farms, and coal plants whose [...]
#My Interview With Maxim Magazine About David Letterman#
Yesterday I was interviewed by Maxim Magazine regarding my thoughts about the alleged blackmail attempt of David Letterman, and the whole scandal where David Letterman was actually having sex.
Here are some transcripts from the interview:
Maxim Magazine: What do you think about David Letterman coming out in broad daylight to confront the accusations that he had [...]
#Celebrity waiter#
Last night I was thinking to myself, “Self, it’d be really hard to be Sarah Jessica Parker’s waiter, cause it’d be hard not to say, “Here’s your big freaking nose, err, soup, Ms. Parker.””
Don’t ask me why it was Sarah Jessica Parker and why I thought of being her waiter, my mind just works all [...]
#My courageous battle with pot#
I know what you’re thinking: “pot” + “God” = “some sort of story about smoking from some sort of multicolored bong and eventually ending up naked on a stage at a Shriner’s convention with a tasseled felt hat on his head and dollar bills dangling from his rectum.”
I assure you, this little story isn’t about [...]
#Killjoy blogger reminds people that the universe doesn’t revolve around them#
Embedded video from <a href=”http://www.cnn.com/video” mce_href=”http://www.cnn.com/video”>CNN Video</a>
I’d like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that a big disk floating in the sky does not mean that you, like the woman in this video thinks she is, are on the receiving end of some sort of almighty sign from your Lord indicating that you should [...]
#Top Commenters (For Whom I Reserve The Hugest Erections)#
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