Tag Archives: My own favorites of me
Opening paragraphs
“Phil Collins rolled over to face me, his face plastered with dried vomit and the tuft of hair that broke up the bald spot on his head was pointing straight upwards, stiff and glistening in the noon sun from something that it had absorbed during the previous night. I could see regret in his eyes [...]
Large Hadron Collider and The Cat Invasion
The LHC is set to fire up tomorrow in France & Switzerland. It’s like the world’s biggest particle accelerator or something. Some people are worried that it will create a black hole and destroy us all. To that I say, “Can I have your car then?” Other people think it’ll solve the question of what [...]
Kim Jong Il – It’s NOT a tumor. Or….is it?
Rumor has it (on CNN) that Kim Jong Il may be out of commission. Since he’s such a secretive little bastard, no one knows what’s going on. He might have died, he might have had a stroke. But reliable sources for TOSON have indicated that he is suffering from a small brain tumor. According to [...]
Deep thoughts for this morning
A wise man once told me, “You can do anything if you set your mind to it.” So what if my goal is to set out to prove that not everything is possible? Yeah. Eff you, wise man. That’s how fucking stupid your motivational sayings are. And that’s how cynical I am. Here are some [...]
C’mon lighten up!
Friday nights are the nights I go to hell.
Mr. Livingston’s Shit.
Everyone has a story from high school that they treasure. Some people have memories of their graduation, their prom, their big moment carrying a football across some imaginary line which made them somehow better than their opponents at carrying footballs across imaginary lines. On the other hand, there’s me. One of my favorite moments from [...]
#Top Commenters (For Whom I Reserve The Hugest Erections)#
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---Mediocre Bitches---
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---Get Crackin'---
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